So I've been making a lot of playlists lately that fit in my life...basically I just put my iPod on shuffle and just listen to whatever comes on that I feel like listening to. I figure I might as well post them somewhere so others can catch a glimpse into my life...
1. The New Style - The Beastie Boys ['I went through your locker and smashed your glasses//I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike']
2. A Well Respected Man - The Kinks ['he's oh so good and he's oh so fine//he likes his fancy vest//his arm sweat smells the best']
3. The Fame - Lady GaGa ['I'm addicted to a life of materials']
4. If It Were Up To Me - Rooney ['she'll be the one that when I'm dead will use my bed//our love is real love so just let it be']
5. Everything Sucks - Reel Big Fish ['everything they do is so fucking cool//I'm giving up because I know everything sucks']
6. Emergency - Paramore ['I've seen you cry way too many times']
7. Grace Kelly - Mika ['why don't you like me//why don't you like yourself']
8. Graffiti the World - Rehab ['the terrorists are in the White House and over seas']
9. Crawl - Kings of Leon ['as your lips unfold, shaking purple from the cold']

Things have been crazy lately! My heart's going bonkers and we're trying to find out what's wrong with it (although, I'm kind of scared to call the cardiologist back). Christmas was very depressing. My "uncle" that usually plays Santa on Christmas Eve passed away earlier this year. It was very sad. I'm trying to get out of my holiday slump.

Good news: "Thirteen" is on our floor this next week. I haven't seen her in about a week and a half or so. Seeing her always makes me a little happier. Pathetic, I know. Luckily the PA that was on this week/weekend likes me and is nice to me, even though everyone else seems to hate her. Whatever, as long as she's ok with me I'm happy. We can be bitchy to each other when we're in bad moods (aka when someone else has pissed us off), but we're usually nice to each other and the one time she was bitchy to me she apologized. I can live with that. I miss "Thirteen" though, she's always nice...and hot (the one that was on this week is kind of cute too).

Oh! And I bought a house! I'm a home owner. How scary is that? I'm poor now. Sad. Damn being all grown up and responsible, I'm only 24, I thought I had a few more years before I had to do that. Yay debt!

I'm tired and I have a headache. Blah!

Work has been okay lately, but I still feel like shit. I feel like I suck at my job (and I have no idea why, it's not like anything has happened). I'm just generally depressed. My gf is driving me crazy. I'm still pissed at my mom from when she came for my birthday. I can blame the weather, but I know that's not entirely to blame... for one, the weather isn't really that bad yet. I had today off, but I didn't really do anything. I went to the park to finish reading my book and that's about it. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything else. I just don't want to.

I haven't seen "Thirteen" in a week, but I've seen the rest of the PAs. I had to go to work last week on my one day off for a staff meeting. I took joy in the way people's jaws dropped when they saw me with my hair done and in real clothes. I don't doll myself up for work, because seriously, my job is gross. I always wear my hair up because I wouldn't want to get it in anything, that's not very professional or safe. Unfortunately, "Thirteen" didn't get to see me, but one of the other PAs nearly tripped over herself when she saw me (sweet!), then all she could do was smile, she couldn't even speak. Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me. That shouldn't make me happy, but it does.

Anyway, I guess I'm done, now I need alcohol before I reach for that razor I know is hiding under my mattress. Cutting now, though it would feel great, would just get me in more trouble. I don't need more trouble right now, I have all these thoughts swimming in my head and I feel like I'm drowning. I don't need to add to that. I'm fucked.

Okay, so work was no fun today. Someone moved my section around. That's okay though, because I was supposed to be in charge this week and now I'm not. I'm fine with that. "Less" work and what not. "Thirteen" is off for a few days (she needs it, she was on for 7 days straight, poor girl). I still miss her though, I'm so pathetic. I was just in a bad mood today, some of my patients were really pissing me off. I can't stand people that are non-compliant and then piss and moan about how they're not getting better. Ugh! Seriously, if you're going to refuse all of your pain meds then I don't want to hear you bitch and moan about how you're in "horrible pain".

The party Saturday was okay. I was too tired to actually enjoy myself though. All I could think the entire time was how much I wanted to go to bed. I got angry because one of my friends slept in my bed the whole time so I couldn't even go have fun in my room. I had to make out in the hall/hide in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE! The poor puppy was so scared/cuddly. I felt bad for him. He actually go in my bed and slept with my friend for a while because he was scared. It was kind of cute.

Sunday was a lazy day. We went out to breakfast with my gf's aunt/my aunt (she's adopted me) who recently lost her husband (who ironically was a patient on my floor for a little while before he was rushed to surgery). It was the first time I've seen her since the funeral. She's doing good. It as nice to catch up with her, I got to spend some good quality time alone with her.

Anyway, I better get going. I hope work is alright for the rest of the week. Maybe "Thirteen" will make an appearance sometime (doubtful). Even a quick glimpse or call would make me happy. Honestly though, as long as the PAs that are on the floor are nice to me it's okay (luckily they usually are good to me). I just hope the doc that's on doesn't yell at me. Last time he was on he yelled at me in the middle of the hall in front of a bunch of people for someting that night shift did wrond and I had already taken care of. What the hell else did he want me to do? I didn't actually have to tell him, I just thought I would let him know that the labs would be back late since I had to redraw them all. He made me feel incompetent. My self esteem is low enough, I really don't need help making myself feel like crap. I do a pretty good job of it all by myself. Okay...rat over. Sorry.

So, I ended up not being able to pick up the extra shift today because there are float pool nurses that need to get their 40 hours in and they needed places to put them. So instead I am playing on my computer and watching DVDs. I have some new puppy pictures to post. And by the way, those blankets and pillow he is laying on the couch were not there, he got them and put them there himself so he could lay on them. Weird dog.

Work was busy today, but not bad. Got to talk to 'Thirteen' a lot again, so that was good. I'm picking up an extra shift tomorrow (I might regret that later, but oh well). I'm hoping by picking up extra time tomorrow I may get some time off on Saturday since I am having a big party Saturday night. It's not guaranteed, but it will help. Even if I don't get time of on Saturday though, 'Thirteen' is supposed to be there so it's okay.

My dog is nuts! He is nosing one of my pens around my bed. He is completely enthralled. It's actually quite entertaining. Not as funny as when he blows bubbles in his water and pops them with his paw or when he chases his ears. I love it when he chases his ears, it's too adorable. His ears are all slobbery afterward though because he likes to suck on them (I have a weird dog). Anyway cute+crazy=DaVinci

Hahahaha!!!!!! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II is on. How I do not miss the clothing of the 80s (thank God I was only a small child and can claim truthfully I had no choice over what I wore). It makes me laugh.

I kind of want to eat, even though I already had Panera for dinner (yummy Sierra Turkey sandwich!). I have no idea what I want to eat though. To be completely honest, I don't even know what food I have in the house right now. I may have to investigate, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. I'm not hungry, I just feel like eating. Thank God I don't eat all day until dinner otherwise I'd be really fat right now (more so than I am right now). Okay, to the kitchen I go!

Okay, so I'm happy. 'Thirteen' is on call on our floor all week, aka, she's on our floor all day every day this week. YAY! She very much reminds me of Thirteen. Her hair is shorter, but she has the soft brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She's just so hot. And very nice, so bonus! I love working with her, she's fun to talk to. It's kind of sick, but I'm almost happy to go to work tomorrow (it helps that I have a good set of patients right now). Anyway, I'm just happy.

I'm watching The Black Donnelly's right now, flail for Olivia Wilde with dark hair. I'm such a sucker for dark hair and blue eyes. Damn that could get me into trouble (see above). Ok, nothing else to say right now. Sorry this was so boring.

Okay, work sucked today! I had my first Code Blue (cardiac arrest) ever today. I've never even witnessed a code before. Most people at least see one before they have to call one themselves. It sucked! The guy made it (unfortunately I don't know that he'll survive the night), but that's not why it sucked. It sucked because he never should have come to me in the condition he was in. The guy was on our unit less than 15 minutes before we had to call the code. He was not stable enough to transfer from the dialysis unit. The bastards only transferred him so they wouldn't have to deal with it themselves. It really sucked because I didn't really know the patient either since he had been at dialysis since before I started. Do you know how hard it is to run a code when you don't know the patient? (I hope you don't) I honestly feel I did everything I could, so that at least makes me feel better. I still cried like a baby on the way home (good thing I live close to the hospital). And I guess it's a compliment because everyone said they had no idea it was my first code because I was so calm and collected (I didn't feel calm and collected, but I guess I'm a good actress). Okay, rant over.

Anyway, other news on the work front...I won't see "Thirteen" again for a while because she's at another hospital all week. Blah, but I knew that coming into this week (one of the other PAs told me everyone's schedule for this week for some odd reason...weird). Too bad, her presence would definitely make me feel better at work. I got a couple hugs at work today, I probably could have gotten one from her. I feel like I need a hug right now. I like hugs. Okay, maybe I need another drink (such a bad habit, I know). I think that's it for now.

Okay, so my roommates and I are putting together a mix of Twisted Love Songs. We need more titles though. HELP US PLEASE! So far we have:

Love Me Dead - Ludo
Bad Times - The Presidents of the United States of America
Go-Getter Greg - Ludo
Obsession - Redgun Radar
Always on My Mind - Phantom Planet
Skullcrusher Mountain - Jonathan Coulton
The Town Crotch - Jonathan Coulton
Another Girl - Redgun Radar

We have some stalker-type songs on there too. We just need more. Let me know if you can think of anything else.